Signs that you may have an extreme male brain with a female body

you can’t help singing along with some male singers, but you never sing along to songs sung by female singers (except K. D. Laing, and she doesn’t count). You try to hit the same notes as Elvis, Jim Morrison, Billy Idol or Johnny Cash, or you do a duet with the late John Belushi singing “Sweet Home Chicago” on the Blues Brothers sound track

your 2D:4D digit ratio is .94 or less

your dream machine is a ute, a 4WD, an unusual vintage model or something that goes really fast, and it has a manual transmission

you would rather repeatedly poke yourself in the eye with a stick than watch an episode of “McLeod’s Daughters”

your best friend is a lesbian and you have monosyllabic male pet names for each other

or

you are a lesbian

your best friend is the school tomboy who loves to kick the crap out of boys

or

you are the school tomboy who loves to kick the crap out of boys

when you talk with your best mate on the phone you both enjoy tasteless and infantile jokes, but you never quite know what to say when she tells you about the way she feels about stuff

you can’t believe women are supposed to love talking on the phone, because you never have

you experience severe “brain jolt” while watching movies that have attractive male stars, as you alternate between identifying with the male character and lusting after the male character

you have refused to wear skirts or dresses since childhood

as you serve dinner to your kids you say “Here’s dinner kids, and if you don’t like it you can jam it up your arse.”

your favourite magazine to read is on the men’s side of the stand at the newsagent’s, along with the business magazines, the science magazines and the pornos

your job’s job description includes the word “cattle”.


copyright Lili Marlene 2007.